Dadddy

Bill is in quick decline. The hospice nurse asked Heather today if Dad was the type of person who likes to get things done. YES, she replied. That's him. He's dying just like he lived.

Heather and I are amazed at the providence involved at this point. When Mom died, I was there for 8 weeks taking care of her. Heather came a few weeks later and stayed after I left, a few weeks before Mom died. I was eight months pregnant, having early contractions, and I left to have the baby back in Nebraska where Scott and I lived. (Mom died Jan. 14, 2001, and Anna was born Jan. 24.) Heather was there with Mom at the time of her death. I don't know that I could have handled it like Heather. She's a quiet angel on earth. And here she is again with Dad at the end. I don't know if I'll make it there in time, but Heather will be there with him and Linda. And that comforts me. I'm also comforted to know that I was there last week for Dad, during a trying emotional time for him. I'm a jabber-mouth, so I talked and listened to Dad's worries and tried to calm his fears. Heather and I each have roles to play. Not that we like these roles, but we'd do anything for our parents.

Just like they did everything for us. Dad's gifts to his children are immense. He's our hero. But let's not sugar-coat it too much, even at this point. Dad, like the rest of us, has his faults. And my relationship with him is far from perfect, like all relationships. In fact, at times it was downright difficult. We're both stubborn and opinionated and we sometimes think we have all the answers. Dad used to have quite a temper, and he settled for nothing less than perfection in many areas. We locked horns frequently through the years.

In April 2009, just weeks before he was diagnosed with brain cancer, we had one of our disagreements. Dad was in Madison for Easter. He was putting French doors on our office. The project was intense and required a lot of woodwork and calculations. Bill was getting tired. The kids were loud and rowdy and getting in his way. "I should have hired this out to someone else," I thought while making dinner as I listened to Dad cursing in the next room. "Dad, for God's sake watch your mouth. The kids are right here!" I told him. "Well, do you want these damn doors on or not?" he replied. But eventually the doors were hung -- to perfection. And they look lovely. And Dad felt proud and we hugged, and I took his picture in front of yet another home improvement triumph.

The beauty of our relationship is that we work through the conflict, we don't hold grudges, and there's never been any question about the extent of our love for each other. I'm sure Heather would say the same thing.

Below is an essay I found in a box of old stuff while at home. I think I was in junior high when I wrote this. Dad always signed his name "Dadddy" on cards, with three d's. Not sure where this originated but we'd often call him "Dadddddddy," stretching out the word as some kind of quirky family joke.


DADDDDY

by Lisa Beecheler

My dad is a great father who has taught me a lot. I remember when I was only five years old and my dad was running beside me teaching me how to ride a bike. Even though I fell into a ditch full of water and cried and complained he never gave up on me. Eventually I learned how to ride that bike and when I did my dad smiled and said "That's my girl!"

A few years later my dad took me skiing. After barely conquering the bunny hill he decided I was ready for a "real hill." He took me to the top of what I thought was a huge hill. It was snowing hard up there, but my dad gave me a reassuring smile and said, "See you at the bottom!" and was gone! As I stood there bewildered, tears running down my frozen cheeks, I tried to remember everything my dad had taught me. At first I thought I'd never make i t down, but needless to say, I did! When I finally reached the bottom, there was my dad. Standing there, he smiled and said, "That's my girl!"

My dad always has had a lot of confidence in me. Because of the feeling he gives me when I 'm around him I feel I can conquer anything. Not only has my dad taught me practical things like riding a bike and skiing, he has also taught me things about life. For instance, he has taught me to work my hardest in school and to give 100% in everything I do. He enforces his beliefs by attending all of my school activities. I'll never forget the feeling I had when I had to give a speech in front of all my classmates and their families. Before I got up to the podium I was so nervous but then I remembered who was sitting right beside me, my dad. As I stood up there, all eyes on me, my knees knocking, I could almost hear my dad's reassuring voice, it gave me the confidence to begin my speech. After finishing my flawless speech [Note from 38-year-old Lisa: Wow, I wish I had that confidence today!] I stepped down from the podium and there was my dad. Looking so proud, he gave me a big hug and said, "That's my girl!"

I'll always know that no matter how old I am my dad will always have something new to teach me, and when I accomplish any new goal I'm sure that when I look over at my dad he'll have a big smile on his face and he'll say, "That's my girl!"