Act of love

Back in Madison, but thinking about what a lovely time we had with Dad and Linda. Bill was beside himself with happiness, having his 6 girls (and 3 guys!) around him. He seemed to have good energy, GREAT appetite and amazing ability to communicate. I thought it would be a struggle and frustrating for him. No. He had no problems hopping right in the middle of conversations, and cracking jokes left and right.

He did look kinda rough -- as you can see from some pictures, below. He's still got the black eye from his fall, and he's all puffed up. It's from the steroids. He's still on 6 mg and probably won't be kicked back on the dosage. Linda will hear more on that at his Dec. 8 appointment. But he looks worse than he feels!

A highlight for Heather and I (and Bill) was the opportunity to record almost three hours of interviews with Dad through the StoryCorps program. From the website: "Since 2003, over 50,000 people have shared life stories with family and friends through StoryCorps. Each conversation is recorded on a free CD to share, and is preserved at the Library of Congress. StoryCorps is one of the largest oral history projects of its kind, and millions listen to our broadcasts on public radio and the web."

The StoryCorps motto is: Listening is an Act of Love. And now I totally get that.

If you listen to NPR on Friday mornings, you'll hear StoryCorps snippets that will make you cry. I am a big fan of this project and was totally excited to be able to record Dad and his stories about boating, skiing, working, kids and wives, school, cars, his parents, life and death, so much more! I wasn't sure how it'd go, since Dad's had a hard time with his speech. But wow. He talked our ears off, made us laugh and cry and both at the same time. I should get the CDs in a few weeks and will try to share some stuff.

Another highlight was spending an evening with the Borns at Aunt Donna’s house on Saturday evening. It’s only about once a year that I get to be together with mom’s family. Heather and I grew up having about 10 aunts and uncles and 20+ cousins within a 10-mile radius of our house, so our extended family became our nuclear family. And they’ve embraced Dad and helped him through all this stuff. So, thanks Aunt D., thanks all you Borns. (Jason, I still don’t buy the LTD story…..)

Enjoy the pix!

Thanksgiving and beyond

Dad's napping after another long day capped off with turkey leftovers. Thanksgiving lived up to its name around here. Bill soaked up every moment with his family him. We all did.

I started the day with another run on the rails-to-trails path down the road from Dad's house, in the small town of Kipton. Tried to just clear my mind before returning home to a cooking frenzy. Heather, Linda and I then rolled up our sleeves and spent hours in the kitchen preparing the turkey, stuffing, cheesy potatoes, sweet potato casserole, green beans, salad and homemade cranberry sauce. Linda bought the desserts from her school's culinary program -- those are some talented young chefs!

As Heather said, Dad's great to cook for because he'll say he loves just about anything you put in front of him. But this truly was a scrumptious meal. We started off by tipping back some special whiskey that Dad and Linda brought back from Scotland. Smooooooth stuff. One of the many things I love about my Dad is his ability to truly enjoy things and talk about them as he's doing it. He really savored that shot and explained exactly why -- even through his somewhat limited speech.

After our big meal, we wobbled around for a few hours, watched football, played with the kids, then dug into dessert and more wine. And more wine. And laughing, sitting at the table with candles. Talking about how happy we were to be in this moment and all together.

Truly a day to give thanks.

Today brought some cold weather, but it didn't deter us from heading to Castalia for a visit to a place called Back to the Wild. It's a wildlife rehabilitation and nature education center. Dad and Linda had been there once before. Through bitter wind we walked around to see eagles, hawks, the most beautiful owls, pheasants, bobcats, kestrels, and a bunch of snakes and turtles. Dad was totally engaged -- he loves animals -- and asked our guide a bunch of questions.

Near one of the eagle areas, Dad started looking down at the brick pavers with names of donors engraved. "Look, Lisa, here it is." Turns out he donated to this place in his mom and my mom's names. He found his brick. So we took a picture and he said something like, "This is a really worthy place for animals." And it was. Dad's generosity never ceases to amaze me.

Well, must go. Linda's son (my step-bro!) just arrived, and we're going to watch some old slides tonight. Life continues to be good.

Ohio, day 2

Wish the weather were better, but it is November 25 in northern Ohio. At least I got to take a run on the Kipton path today, through some light drizzle.

Dad's doing well. He's been patient with three wild girls tearing around his house. So has Linda, who, by the way, is incredible. Her positive attitude is tempered with just enough realism to make Dad and the rest of us feel comfortable and so thankful for her presence in our lives. It's been relaxing just to sit at the kitchen table, drinking tea with Dad and watching the girls draw pictures. We talked about Christmas plans, lighthouse lamps, food, jobs, Elsa the cat. And we just laughed.

Had fun playing Pictionary with Bill. Dad's never been a game player -- that was always mom's role. But he sure enjoyed playing with me, Heather and Anna and MJ. He jumped right in to guess and even drew some pictures, one pretty good one illustrating the word "toupee." Afterward he looked at his drawing and said, "Geez, that doesn't look at all like a man's head!" I took some good pictures but of course don't have the right technology to upload them to the blog.

Also have to share pictures from a trip to Uncle Jim's. Heather and I took our girls to the farm today. They're definitely city kids! Didn't like the smell of manure! And Mary Jane was freaked out by the hay barn with all the holes in the floor. Anna and I climbed to the top of the stacks and talked about how Heather and I and all our cousins spent so much time in this barn, horsing around, riding bales from top to bottom. Surprised we didn't have more broken bones among us. The girls also got up on the big tractors. Charlotte was ready to drive them through the fields!

Tomorrow's the big day. We'll have a simple Thanksgiving dinner at Dad's. Heather and I did grocery shopping at IGA in Oberlin today (and saw our lovely cousin Erica!), so we're all set.

Part of me feels like I should be sad or depressed. But I'm not. I'm not thinking too far ahead, just enjoying these days. Thankful.

Back in Ohio

After an uneventful 8-hour drive, we made it to Henrietta Township late this afternoon. Things look unchanged here on Becker Road. Dad's yard is impeccable, the woods has settled in to fall mode, the cars and motorcycles and scooters and truck are tucked away in the barn.

I thought it might be an emotional reunion for me. The last time I saw Bill was when I escorted him to his seat on a small plane taking off from Madison, back in August. I had to get special access to accompany him all the way to his seat, and I so wanted to fly with him! I remember feeling like a parent sending her child away. The tears that day were heavy.

But Dad opened his front door with the biggest smile plastered on his face, and that just put me at ease. "Oh, here they are! Lisa!" The guy was elated to see us and gave me the first of many bear hugs dispensed throughout the evening, accompanied by, "It's just so great to have you here."

Dad's speech and comprehension are surprisingly good. I was prepared for stilted conversation, but Bill had no problem communicating. Missed a few words here and there, but what the hell! I probably did, too. I'd say his appearance is a bit disconcerting. Steroids and maybe some more water weight gain have puffed up his face again to proportions we saw during the summer at its peak. He's like a chipmunk with full cheeks. So hope we can figure out how to get the swelling down.

Otherwise, Bill seemed content, cheerful, healthy. His happiest moment was giving Linda her pair of diamond earrings to match the ones he gave to me and Heather. "Well, now I have three happy women." I think those were Linda's Xmas gift. But he just couldn't wait. Dad's always been about pleasing the ladies! And a perfect Bill moment was when he yelled at Scott for sitting an empty beer bottle on the kitchen shelf: "Whoever put this here, you need to know they go out in the recycling, not on the counter!" It's comforting to know some things never change.

Of course I can't go on without mentioning the joy in seeing my sister and Chuck, and the cousins reunited. Charlotte followed around Anna and MJ like a puppy, and they absolutely adore her every move. Those three were inseparable. And Linda looks great. She's a strong and wonderful woman.

It's only be a few hours with Bill so far. Hopefully much more to report in the coming days.

'Tis the season for ...

Car shows and corn dryers! Heard a few snips on the radio this morning that reminded me of Dad and his varied life and talents.

Car show season kicks off early next month in LA. By January and February, rust belt cities will host their odes to all things auto. I'll have to ask him, but I wonder if Dad's ever missed a car show in Cleveland, or maybe even Detroit? He's gone with me, Heather, Mom, Linda, Gene, Joe, Lee, uncles, cousins, friends. I think once he took my grandma! There's a long list of people who've suffered through... I mean enjoyed his company for the 8+ hours he spends inside a huge arena of engines, slick brochures, rockin' music, grease and scantily clad women. (Hhhhhmmmmm, come to think of it, maybe he's not there for the cars ....)

Dad loves to see his old favorites -- the models he's owned or wished to own. And he's just as excited to learn more about concept cars and hybrids. If you go with him, plan on taking a backpack of survival gear because he WILL stay all day and into the night. He will talk to half of the sales people and get his picture taken with half the ladies standing around in bikinis. I haven't been to a car show with Dad in a long time, but I have heard reports from each show, each year. Here's a few pix of Dad and his beloved Prowler, just to emphasize his auto love and as a wish that he makes it to Cleveland or Detroit this winter. When he does, I will join him.

It's also harvest season across the Midwest, which means farmers better be getting their corn dryers in working condition. For years and years, Dad had a company called Beecheler Electric. This could have started when he was a kid, fixing appliances in his Dad's shop, but I know he had this company throughout our childhood and adolescent years because Beecheler Electric always sponsored my softball teams.

Dad of course had a full-time, high-stress job in the telecommunications industry for 30+ years. As if that wasn't enough, he spent many weeknights and weekends through each fall as the lone employee of Beecheler Electric, venturing far and wide to fix corn dryers. This was a self-taught skill, as far as I know. I think he must have learned on Uncle Bill and Jim's farm. But I just know there were many days he'd get home from his 8 to 6 job, eat a quick dinner, and drive -- sometimes for hours -- to fix a corn dryer on-farm. He'd get home anywhere from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m., then wake up and put on a suit and tie to head for the office again.

Dad recently told me how much money he made fixing corn dryers. It was enough to buy a nice boat and then some. Corn dryers are not inside a barn. They're free-standing in the middle of the all the weather elements. So through snow, sleet, freezing cold wind, dark, Dad was out there for hours and hours with his toolbox. I wonder what he was thinking besides, "Damn, it's cold and I'm tired!" Knowing him, he just thought, "Hey, this is what I gotta to do get ahead. No problem. At least I have legs, arms and skills." My Dad makes me feel very, very lazy. And thankful, in this season of thanks, for all his hard, hard work. He's an inspiration to me.

This isn't a picture of Dad fixing a corn dryer, but it's him in one of his work jackets on a winter day in front of his barn.

Fortifying

Dad gave me a beautiful pair of diamond earrings for my birthday. Someone drove him to a jewelry store and he picked them out and sent them to Madison. "I wanted you to have something really nice, Lisa, because you are just so great." I think Heather got a similar gift/sentiment in October.

I'm torn up.

Linda sent us an e-mail a few days ago that laid out the plain truth -- dad's deteriorating and probably not going to get much better. He'll have good and bad days, but possibly never really good days. And lately the bad seem to outnumber the good. His nurse clinician at Cleveland Clinic told Linda this is common progression for brain cancer. Linda thinks it's time we start looking into hiring a nurse for Dad when she's not around -- to keep him safe. When he feels okay, he's doing things like getting up on a ladder ... not a good idea. And Linda's health will soon suffer, too, if she doesn't get some help.

I'm torn up because I am so far away, unable to help. I quit my job -- for a variety of reasons -- but that should give me more flexibility to go stay with Dad for weeks at a time during the next months. To think about leaving my girls and Scott for weeks at a time ... But in church this morning my mind drifted during the sermon and I just kept thinking, "Lisa, start fortifying yourself."

Listen, I'm not trying to say the end is near or there is absolutely no hope (although hope seems to be fleeting). But I've got to face reality and muster strength to face whatever may be ahead for our family. I know so many people going through similar struggles. And I know there are millions of others going through even grander struggles. It's not like we're the first humans to be challenged. But I'm feeling particularly weak at the moment. I'm angry and incredibly sad. And tired. I want to get together with my sister and her family and Dad over the holidays and just laugh and enjoy. I don't want to look cancer in the face. But ... no choice in the matter.

Nine years ago this fall we started fortifying ourselves to face Mom's death. I was 7 months pregnant with Anna. Heather was newly engaged. Fall's always been my favorite time of year. It was Mom's favorite time, too. I can still hear her humming around the house, making her list of fall duties. She loved raking leaves and gathering the Borns for the holidays. She loved waking up at 4 a.m. on Thanksgiving to make a turkey. When we faced that awful fall of 2000, I thought I'd never again be able to enjoy this season. I started seeing it as the time of year when everything starts dying.

But it actually didn't take long for me to see that fall is the beginning of harvest season when seeds are born, fields are fed compost and things in general are prepared for a short nap before that burst of life in spring. So the end is also the beginning.

Again, I'm not trying to predict what's going to happen to Dad. Damn, maybe he will be cured! Wouldn't that be something??? Only someone as unique and stubborn as Bill would beat this bitch-of-a-disease.