I know this blog is about Bill' story, but we're all a part of it. Yesterday was tough for me. But I'm allowed to have bad days, so I had one. I haven't seen my kids (in Cincinnati with grandparents) for almost 10 days, Scott left yesterday (to get the kids) and I'm grieving for my Aunt Barb and unable to attend her funeral today. And at the hospital yesterday, sitting in Dad's room, watching him struggle to eat, it was too familiar. His loss of personality this time around reminded me of my mom's experience fighting cancer. This comparison was too much to bear, so I grabbed my bags and practically ran out of the room.
On the drive home, I wept and cursed and prayed that God would help me to stop feeling alone and to just have faith. Still reeling, I called Heather. As usual, she had wise words. I moped around the house and got the mail. A letter came from "From the families of Troop 549." This is my Girl Scout troop that I co-lead with my friend Sherry. It will be the fourth year for our 9 girls. The families sent a gift card for a hotel get-away. The accompanying note had Psalm 62:8 at the bottom: Trust in Him at all times. I cried again, this time tears of relief. I've never had a prayer answered so directly!
I started to regain my trust as I took a long bike ride through beautiful countryside then came home, showered, and headed out to dinner with Linda. At cheesy Cheeseburger in Paradise, Linda and I both got silly from our delicious mojitos. We laughed and smiled and agreed that, in spite it all, it's been a great summer, and we're lucky to have each other as a family. Linda is amazing. She's optimistic about Dad's recovery and sees him improving day-by-day. She mentioned his physical strength, his history of comebacks and his willingness to fight. "That's good. We'll take that," she said.
This morning Linda and I went to church. Pastor Jeff stopped me after the service and asked that I read his sermon from last weekend. At first I thought this was an assignment since I missed church! (Kidding.) But Linda must have told him I was struggling. His instinct that his sermon would help me was right on target. Here's an excerpt:
Jesus' presence does not necessarily still wind and calm waves, and plant us safely on shore. To be honest, there are times when I wish Jesus would promise more than his presence. I wish for miraculous healing of people I love whose suffering breaks my heart. I wish he would say, “be healed, your faith has made you well,” but he doesn’t. Rather, he says, “It is I. Be not afraid.” Jesus' presence strengthens us with courage to stay in the boat and keep your oar in the water. Jesus’ presence strengthens us with courage to keep rowing through the night toward the light of the day. I long for healing. Nevertheless, I will take what I can get, and settle for courage, because without courage, we drift toward the darkness of despair.
So sorry no news on Bill in this blog. I'll see him later and give you an update. But for any of you struggling, and as a prayer for those who struggle around the world: Keep your oars in the water.
Lisa. Thanks for touching me, as always. You are helping me through my own hard times and you don't even know it. Keep strong Bill. We love you all
ReplyDeleteI love you Lisa and it's isn't always easy on us, when the people we love get sick and there isn't much that we can do about it but pray. Keep your chins up, whatever happens it's Gods will not always ours. Love you all, Robin
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to read those words from you, I just hurt for you. As always though we are reminded of faith and those wise words will get us through. Thank you for as always, inspiring me and reminding me of the big factors in life.
ReplyDeleteLisa, I know you may not remember me but I sure remember your mom and dad. Your dad was on the board at Firelands and remained there for many years while I was employed. He was so good at keeping us a family unit, so I am sure he is good at keeping you guys together no matter how hard it is on him. Thanks for keeping us informed about his health and please tell him he is in our prayers. We love you Bill, God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Fran Foor, former bus driver for Firelands
Lisa- these are so beautifully written even though I cry every time I read them. My family and I are praying for your dad and Linda and the whole family. Keep your faith in God- he and you mom sent Linda to look after you all! Anyting I can do here in Ohio please do not hesitate to ask. Amy Rottari
ReplyDeleteLinda, just wanted you to know I would send the word around again to mail cards for Bill. We pray for him and think about him constantly. Your words are so well written and really help us to know how he is doing on a daily basis. God bless you all!
ReplyDeleteFran Foor
Hi Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI am a good friend of Lee's in Avon, Ohio. Lee and I have had many conversations about your dad (before his cancer and after). When I read your blog every once in a while, it truly inspires me to be a better friend, husband, and father to my daughter. I can only hope that down the road when I am older and have lived most of my life on this earth, that people will have similar stories and thoughts of me. I find it very touching that Bill has had such a positive effect in your life and all his family and friend's lives. I'm positive many people find strength through him.
During this time, Lee and I have started to discuss our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ more often and how he can and does impact our lives. I truly believe that these conversations have came about due to Bill's condition. It is amazing how God works in each of us and through each of us. I am extremely happy to witness him beginning to work in Lee's heart.
Thoughts and Prayers,
-Brian